How Postpartum Rage Can Affect Your Relationship (And What You Can Do About It)
By Jessica Bauer, Ph.D., a Perinatal Therapist in Atlanta, GA
Let’s talk about something not enough people talk about: postpartum rage.
Yes, rage.
Not just the “baby blues” or feeling extra emotional. Postpartum rage is the explosive, unpredictable anger that can sneak up on you after having a baby. If you’ve ever slammed a door, snapped at your partner over dishes, or felt like you’re going to explode because the baby won’t nap, you’re not alone.
As a perinatal therapist in Atlanta, GA, I work with new moms every day who feel ashamed or confused by these feelings. One of the most common (and most surprising) things they say is:
“I didn’t expect to be this angry.”
Let’s dig into what postpartum rage is, how it can affect your relationship, and how perinatal therapy can help.
What Is Postpartum Rage?
Postpartum rage is an often-overlooked symptom of postpartum mood disorders, like postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. While sadness and worry are often discussed, anger tends to be left out of the conversation, even though it’s just as real and just as valid.
It can look like:
- Snapping at your partner over the smallest things
- Feeling like you’re constantly on edge
- Wanting to scream or cry when you’re touched one more time
- Losing it when the baby won’t stop crying, even when you know it’s not their fault
- Feeling guilty or ashamed afterward
And no, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means you’re a human going through one of the biggest transitions of your life.
Why Does Postpartum Rage Happen?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are some common reasons:
- Hormones: Your body is recovering from childbirth, and your hormones are all over the place.
- Sleep deprivation: Chronic lack of sleep can turn anyone into a short-fused volcano.
- Overstimulation: Constant noise, touching, crying, and being “on” 24/7 is draining.
- Unmet needs: If you’re not being supported, emotionally, physically, or mentally, resentment builds fast.
- Unspoken expectations: There may be expectations we place on ourselves as mothers, and expectations we have of our partners and family members. When we’re struggling as moms, it’s natural to wish someone could step in and make everything better. But the reality is that even when our support system tries to help, their efforts may not truly ease the stress or overwhelm. Over time, this can build up, leading to a deep sense of helplessness in it all.
How Postpartum Rage Can Impact Your Relationship
Relationships take a hit when one (or both) partners are running on empty. Here’s how postpartum rage can sneak in and shake things up:
Communication Breakdowns
Let’s say your partner forgot to do the laundry, again.
Instead of calmly saying, “Hey, I need your help with this,” postpartum rage might push you to yell, “Why do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?!”
Your partner feels attacked, shuts down, and suddenly you’re both hurt and disconnected. This becomes a pattern, and soon you’re barely speaking or only speaking in jabs.
Resentment on Both Sides
You might resent your partner for getting more sleep, having more freedom, or not understanding how hard your day is. Your partner might feel helpless or confused, not knowing how to support you without triggering another explosion.
This mutual resentment can quietly eat away at the relationship if it’s not addressed.
Intimacy Fades
Emotional disconnection often leads to physical disconnection. When you’re angry, touched out, and exhausted, intimacy is usually the last thing on your mind, which can deepen the divide.
Guilt and Shame
After a rage episode, many moms feel deep guilt. You might apologize to your partner, cry in the shower, or think, “What is wrong with me?”
This shame can keep you from asking for help, and the cycle continues.
So… What Can You Do About It?
The good news? You don’t have to live like this. Postpartum rage is treatable, and you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Here’s what I recommend as a postpartum therapist in Atlanta, GA:
Talk to a Perinatal Therapist
This is what I do every day with moms just like you. Perinatal therapy helps you process everything you’re going through, the anger, the sadness, the overwhelm, the guilt, in a safe, judgment-free space.
You’ll learn tools to manage your rage, communicate with your partner, and reconnect with yourself. Think of it as putting on your oxygen mask first, so you can breathe again.
(If you’re in the Atlanta area, I’d love to support you. Keep reading for how to reach out.)
Normalize the Conversation
Tell your partner what’s going on. You don’t have to explain every detail, but saying something like, “I’m feeling way more overwhelmed and angry than I expected, and I think I need help” opens the door for support, not shame.
Rage is a symptom, not a personality flaw.
Set Boundaries & Ask for Help
Repeat after me: I don’t have to do this alone.
That might mean asking your partner to take the baby for an hour, hiring a postpartum doula, or just saying no to extra visitors for a while. Boundaries = peace.
Sleep (If You Can)
Yes, easier said than done. But even short naps, rotating night shifts with your partner, or sleeping when the baby sleeps (for real!) can help regulate your nervous system.
Give Yourself Grace
You are not failing. You’re adjusting, growing, learning, and healing. That’s a lot. Be kind to yourself.
You’re Not Alone. Let’s Talk. Therapy for Postpartum Rage in Atlanta, GA, Can Help.
If you’re struggling with postpartum rage, relationship stress, or just feeling like you’re drowning, help is here.
As a perinatal therapist in Atlanta, GA, I specialize in supporting moms through the hardest parts of the postpartum journey. Whether it’s postpartum therapy for yourself or couples therapy to help you and your partner reconnect, you don’t have to do this alone.
Let’s get you back to feeling like you again. Start your therapy journey with Informed Therapy Group by following these steps:
- Visit my Contact page, call (404) 444-8974, or email info@informedtherapy.com for a free 15-minute consultation!
- Meet with a caring Atlanta therapist
- Start finding the support you deserve on your postpartum journey!
