How Does Autism Present in Mothers and How Can Neurodivergent Therapy Help?

Written by: Melissa Light, LPC, NCC, PMH-C

Understanding Autism

As a therapist specializing in autism, I’ve been privileged to work with a diverse range of women and parents. One particular group that deserves nuanced support is mothers who are autistic. (I’m using “autistic” out of respect for the current preferred term by people who are autistic). The profile of autism can be so unique to each person, and for mothers, parenting can be especially complex due to its multifaceted demands. If you feel you are facing obstacles with parenting and struggle to explain why, taking a closer look at some common areas of challenge may help you understand yourself better and be able to seek support in your areas of need. 

How Neurodivergent Therapy Can Help

In therapy, we can explore and honor your individual strengths and offer support for any challenges you are facing. Some common areas where autistic moms may want support: 

• Executive Functioning
• Routines
• Sensory Sensitivity
• Socializing
• Anxiety

Executive Functioning

This describes processes in our brain that include self-control, memory, attention, and flexibility in our thinking, and impacts the ways we manage tasks and routines or organize our homes. For autistic moms, these skills can sometimes be particularly challenging. The daily demands of motherhood—juggling multiple schedules, balancing work and/or running a household, and meeting the needs of children—can exacerbate difficulties with executive functioning. Tasks that might seem straightforward to others, such as meal planning or coordinating appointments, can become overwhelming and lead to significant stress.                                  

Tips to address these challenges are easy to find online, but often do not consider the strengths and challenges of a neurodiverse brain. Finding and trying tips & tricks may temporarily provide relief, but working to gain insight into the source of the issue can lead to developing strategies that provide lasting support.

Routines

Parents are told repeatedly about how important it is for children to have a routine, and many autistic women find comfort in a routine, but life with children can be unpredictable. For example: infancy with its sleep regressions and teething disrupting sleep or toddlers and their drive for independence resulting in taking an hour to get shoes and a coat on when it’s time to get out of the door. Sudden changes or disruptions to routine can be distressing. It can be difficult to manage a routine that keeps the household running on track, but flexible enough to allow for disruption. Using visual reminders or technology to assist with scheduling can help, but it’s important to have an outlet to express your feelings and help you manage stress. 

Sensory Sensitivity

It can be easy to get overstimulated in one (or many ways) when it comes to children. Kids can be quite noisy and have energy that seems never-ending. Mothers with heightened or diminished sensory sensitivities may experience discomfort or distraction from everyday stimuli. For some moms, the tactile overwhelm that can come from things like kids frequently touching mom, tugging on clothes, or close talking can lead to feeling “touched-out.” Kids’ toys, books, and accessories with their bright colors, flashing lights, or sounds can cause visual clutter and extra noise. This heightened sensory awareness can impact a mother’s ability to engage in activities or manage her environment effectively. Therapy can support moms by exploring areas of overwhelm and developing strategies to manage or limit sensory input so moms can feel more present and prevent overwhelm from happening. 

Socializing

Friendships can be difficult to navigate for some autistic women, and engaging with other parents, participating in social activities, or navigating community events may feel overwhelming or exhausting. This can lead to feelings of isolation or difficulties in building and maintaining social connections. If you’re trying to socialize with kids present, you may be facing some of the sensory challenges from the previous paragraph on top of watching out for your kid’s safety and trying to be present in conversation. For some, the scrutiny that parents (particularly moms) face presents another barrier to making connections with peers that leads to “masking” or avoiding socializing altogether. Women have been socialized to be cooperative and be good listeners, and this has usually resulted in masking, where a person consciously or unconsciously attempts to appear allistic (non-autistic) in order to avoid standing out or to feel more accepted in society.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a common experience for many individuals on the autism spectrum, and for mothers, it can be intensified by the demands of parenting. The fear of not meeting expectations—both self-imposed and societal—can contribute to heightened anxiety levels. Balancing personal well-being with the needs of children can sometimes feel like an insurmountable task. Seeking therapeutic support, practicing mindfulness, and developing coping strategies can be invaluable in managing anxiety and fostering a healthier mental state.

Honoring Strengths & Overcoming Challenges

Autistic mothers have so many strengths they bring to motherhood, such as deep empathy and compassion, creativity, support for their children’s individuality, and a different perspective of the world that can enhance everyone’s well-being. Sometimes it’s difficult to exist in a world that doesn’t seem understanding or accommodating of any differences, and it may be hard to see your own strengths when you are also facing challenges. In session with a neurodivergent-affirming therapist, you are valued and your experiences are honored. At Informed Therapy Group, we believe that you are not defined by the challenges you face, and we work together to discover strategies and support systems that can help you navigate parenting in a way that works for you.

Seeking Support at Informed Therapy Group

If you are an autistic mother or think you might be, seeking neurodivergent therapy can make a world of difference. At Informed Therapy Group, we have experienced therapists who can provide tailored strategies to manage executive functioning difficulties, sensory sensitivities, and anxiety, as well as offer support in navigating social challenges. By working with a neurodivergent therapist, you can develop personalized tools and coping mechanisms to help balance the demands of motherhood with your unique needs. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help- therapy can offer a path to greater well-being and a more manageable daily life.

Reach out to a licensed therapist specializing in autism or call (404) 444-8974 and take the first step towards a more supportive and fulfilling journey in motherhood.