Common Misconceptions and Assumptions about Parenthood: Insights from a Postpartum Therapist in Atlanta, GA

If you ask a new parent how prepared they felt for having a baby, almost everyone says “not at all.”

Whether you’ve had experience babysitting for years or you’ve never changed a diaper, this postpartum journey is a wild ride filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. Like many others, I will say that I was a perfect parent until I had kids! We all have images of what we think parenting will be like, and we all have had experiences in our lives that equip us to be good parents. But let’s be real: As a postpartum therapist, I know that becoming a parent is also a time when many of us feel a little (or a lot) inadequate. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “Am I doing this right?” you’re definitely not alone. Let’s explore some common assumptions that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and how you can challenge them.

The “Perfect Parent” Myth

Assumption: There’s a perfect way to parent, and if you’re not following it, you’re failing.

Reality Check: There’s no such thing as a perfect parent.

Even if it were possible to be perfect, it would mean your child would miss out on opportunities to learn resilience. Every child is unique, and so is every parenting style. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on being present and responsive to your child’s needs. Embrace the messiness of it all—parenting is as much about learning from your mistakes (and modeling how to work through them) as it is about the successes.

Comparing Yourself to Others

Assumption: Everyone else has it figured out while you’re just trying to survive.

Reality Check: Social media can make it easy to fall into the comparison trap. Remember, most people only post the highlight reel of their lives, while you are seeing the “outtakes” in your life. Instead of comparing yourself to others, connect with other parents who share your struggles. You’ll likely find that many are feeling just as overwhelmed as you are. Building a community can make a world of difference.

The All-or-Nothing Mindset

Assumption: If I’m not doing everything right, I’m doing everything wrong.

Reality Check: Parenting is not an all-or-nothing game. 

It’s okay to have days where you feel like you’re nailing it and days where you feel like you’re just getting by. Celebrate the small wins! Did you manage to get the baby to nap? Great work! Even if that’s all you accomplished today, that’s something to be proud of.

Believing You Should “Just Know” What to Do

Assumption: You should instinctively know how to care for your baby.

Reality Check: Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you have a built-in parenting manual. 

It’s completely normal to feel lost sometimes. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help, whether it’s from a partner, family member, or a professional. Asking questions and seeking guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Listening to Advice to “Enjoy every moment”

Assumption: If I don’t enjoy this stage (or experience) of parenthood, then parenthood isn’t meant for me.

Reality Check: You don’t have to love every experience to enjoy being a parent.

It’s not possible or realistic to enjoy every minute of every day, for many reasons. Parenthood involves adapting to new challenges every day, usually with some level of sleep deprivation. It’s normal to have a range of emotions, some of which can be strong. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid but they are not reality. Acknowledging what you feel and reminding yourself that feelings (and the difficult stages of parenting) will change can help you to be gentle with yourself and be better able to embrace the full spectrum of your experiences.

Putting Yourself Last

Assumption: Taking time for yourself means you’re a bad parent.

Reality Check: Self-care does not mean you are neglecting your role as a parent. 

Just as your child may get grumpy when he or she doesn’t have a nap or a snack, you can’t be the parent you want to be when you are depleted. Plan out some time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes of quiet or indulging in a hobby. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to take care of your little one.

Challenging These Beliefs

So, how can you shift these mindsets and foster a healthier transition into parenthood? Here are a few tips:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and that you’re doing the best you can.
• Notice Your Thoughts: You don’t have to journal, but jotting down a thought, a feeling, or a few sentences about a frustrating moment can help you process what you’re experiencing. You might find patterns in your thoughts that you can challenge.
• Use Humor: Trying to see the humor in a situation does not mean you are dismissing the challenges you are facing. Humor is a relief from tension and stress, so when things are not going well, we actually need to laugh more than during other times. If you can find something to laugh about each day, whether it involves something from your day or it’s from a TikTok, try seeking out something funny or reaching out to a friend for a laugh.
• Celebrate the Wins: Identifying 3 things that have gone well each day can be a reminder that you are doing better than you think and can help you get better at noticing other positive experiences in the future.
• Seek Support: Whether it’s through friends, family, or a postpartum therapist, talking about your experiences can be incredibly validating. You’re not alone in this journey.

How Therapy Can Help

Remember, parenthood is a journey, not a destination. Just when you feel like you’ve mastered one area, your child enters a new stage of development, and you find yourself learning new strategies all over again. It’s perfectly normal to feel inadequate at times, but it doesn’t define your worth as a parent. By challenging these common assumptions and focusing on self-compassion (with a little humor thrown in), you can create a more positive experience for yourself and your little one.

Start Postpartum Therapy in Atlanta, GA

You are doing so much more than you realize, and if you need support, our therapists at Informed Therapy Group specialize in postpartum therapy, and we are here to listen and walk alongside you as you grow into your role. Here’s to navigating the beautiful chaos of parenthood together! You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:

1. Reach out through our contact page, call (404) 444-8974 or email info@informedtherapy.com to get started.
2. Meet with a caring therapist
3. Start receiving support for you and your family!